MATRIMONY WON’T SAVE THE BLACK COMMUNITY!
There has been much talk about the decline of the black community, and many have put forth theories in terms of why the black community is experiencing a decline. One of the prominent theories being pushed in the media is the decline of the black nuclear family, and the fact that there are less married black men and women today. I’ve always been wary of attributing the decline of the black community to decreased reliance on traditional marriage, but it wasn’t until tonight that I truly began to think about the black community, it’s supposed decline, and the viewing of increased rates of heterosexual marriage as “the solution.”
In my opinion, it is true that there is something fueling the supposed decline of the black community, but I think we are off target when we attribute it to a decrease in traditional marriage within the black community. I would suggest that the black community has lost its “village mentality.” There’s an old African proverb that says, “it takes a village to raise a child,” and that is the type of village mentality that I think we have lost as a black community. I would suggest that we have lost an “all hands on deck” mentality when it comes to our people, and have it replaced it with an every person for themselves mentality.
What if we put greater emphasis on the “village” (its creation, maintenance, survival) than on marriage? I dont think the black community is declining becuase we’re no longer getting married, but rather becuase we have lost a village mentality. In my opinion, the “us” against the world mentality inherent in many marriages works against the black community. Take the imagined “single woman” crisis we are supposedly in. The solution isn’t finding them husbands, but rather supportive environments. With an emphasis on “villages” rather than marriages, single parents would have a community to turn to rather than a “savior” spouse. ”Those kids need a father” wouldn’t be an issue in a village where multiple male role models existed to offer support and guidance.
I think it’s entirely reasonable for concerned members of the black community to be worried about the direction the black community is going in, but I think we do ourselves a disservice when we look to traditional marriage as our pathway out of a decline in the black community.By returning to the village mentality we will begin the work of reforming our our community.
Posted on December 23, 2010, in Keep It Focused!. Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.
This is well-written and thought out. Also, I concur. Instead of judging a single parent as insufficient, we could offer a hand as a baby-sitter, mentor, guardian, etc. For all intents and purposes, my mom raised me as a single mother, but I had a huge extended family. At the time, I hated the village mentality (what child wants to see their teacher at the dinner table snitching on their misdeeds that day?), but as an adult I value this early environment. I would’ve been a very different person without all eyes on me.
I would definitely have to agree! i have a godsister who is a single mother of three boys and she doesn’t want to get married. so should others force the issue? of course not! thats her preference! so instead, my father and her biological father step up as males who are present in her sons’lives, me and my sisters help out when we can, and so on…we’ve become the ‘village’ for my sister and her son…hell, my husband is a product of a ‘village’ bc his mother was a single mom but he had his uncles and grandfather showing him how to be a man. He turned out REMARKABLY well, better than some men I know who were brought up in traditional married black households. The VILLAGE is KEY!
Amen baby. There are so many different types of families– the nuclear family being the least attractive and not as beneficial/satisfying/enchriching
Black weddings are a really good time though.
I some what agrea,but village mean wholelistic, we are raising a individual generation, man and woman ralsing kids, we have to get back to that