SHEDDING PATRIARCHAL MASCULINITY

There’s masculinity, and then there’s patriarchal masculinity. In my opinion, the former views femininity as complementary to it, while the latter views femininity as something that is degrading. In a patriarchal society like the United States, boys are raised to see femininity in themselves as something that must be shunned, despised, and loathed. The patriarchal masculinity taught to young boys finds no redeeming qualities in femininity when it is expressed boys or men, and thus boys are taught to avoid femininity at all costs, and also that they must stamp it out when it manifests itself in other boys and men.

I got the idea to write about “shedding patriarchy” last night while I was in my bathroom thinking about the Chris Brown and Raz B situation that took place on twitter. The situation got me thinking about growing up as a young boy who was being shaped and molded for patriarchal masculinity and what that meant for me as well as other boys around me. I was being groomed by the boys and men around me to view the feminine, not as a complement, but as something capable of degrading my masculinity entirely. Insults like “faggot,” “sissy,” and “punk” were routinely used by the boys and men around me, either as a way of insulting a man for doing something considered feminine, or for policing the mannerisms of other boys and men. I can remember an older cousin who seemed obsessed with my masculinity, it was as if his goal in life was to remind me that my femininity was a grave wrong, and that it was his job to remind me of this by taunting and teasing me. I’d have hoped that my experience is unique, but it is the reality for thousands, if not millions, of young boys in this nation who are taught through patriarchy that femininity is not a complement, but a threat.

As an adult man I have been able to immerse myself in feminist theory, and the writings of feminists like bell hooks and Eve Ensler. It is through hooks that I found the strength within me to shed patriarchal masculinity, and to embrace a masculinity that does not view femininity as a threat to masculinity, but rather a complement. In the past I had always straddled the line between embracing and rejecting the feminine within me, but through the feminist theory of hooks, Ensler, and others I learned to embrace the masculine and feminine in me, seeing them as complements to my being. I see myself as a snake who has finally shed the old skin, revealing a beautiful new layer of skin below. The patriarchal masculinity I was groomed to exhibit has been replaced with a new masculinity that does not view femininity as something to be despised in myself or other men, something that men must distance themselves from. If someone says I talk like a girl or walk like a girl this does not phase me. If someone says I am feminine this does not phase me. If someone says that I am soft or “pussy” this does not phase me. While the patriarchal masculinity may have been upset or hurt by those statements, the new masculinity is not and sees those as complements rather than something that degrades.   Just as it may take days for a snake to shed it’s skin, it is not an easy task for a man to shed patriarchal masculinity. There are many forces in society working to keep men imprisoned inside of patriarchal masculinity. The media, church, family, sports, and many others keep men wedded to patriarchal masculinity, but feminist theory, and especially the work of bell hooks is one way for men to envision an alternative masculinity.

I truly feel, that my life is better now that I have shed patriarchal masculinity, and it is my hope that many other men undertake this process of shedding patriarchal masculinity in favor of a masculinity that does not view the feminine as degrading.

Recommended Reading: The Will to Change by bell hooks

CHRIS BROWN, RAZ B, AND PATRIARCHAL MASCULINITY

Image Credit: Bob Charlotte/PR Photos; Koi Sojer/PR Photos

I’m sure everyone is looking for clever analysis of the “Chris Brown & Raz B Presents: Patriarchal Masculinity and Homophobia,” but I honestly having nothing. Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for men to resort to patriarchal masculinity, homophobia, effemiphobia, and misogyny when arguing with each other.

I tried my best to translate the tweets transpiring  from “Battle of the Patriarchal Males,” and this is what I came up with:

“blal blah patriarchal masculinity blah blah homophobia blah blah patriarchal masculinity blah blah homophobia.”

Also we learned an important little nugget today,

“I’m not homophobic” is the new “I’m not racist.” I’m sure Chris Brown even has a gay friend, but the homophobia is just too hard to resist.

Note to Men: Step away from the patriarchal masculinity.

MATRIMONY WON’T SAVE THE BLACK COMMUNITY!

There has been much talk about the decline of the black community, and many have put forth theories in terms of why the black community is experiencing a decline. One of the prominent theories being pushed in the media is the decline of the black nuclear family, and the fact that there are less married black men and women today. I’ve always been wary of attributing the decline of the black community to decreased reliance on traditional marriage, but it wasn’t until tonight that I truly began to think about the black community, it’s supposed decline, and the viewing of increased rates of heterosexual marriage as “the solution.”

In my opinion, it is true that there is something fueling the supposed decline of the black community, but I think we are off target when we attribute it to a decrease in traditional marriage within the black community. I would suggest that the black community has lost its “village mentality.” There’s an old African proverb that says, “it takes a village to raise a child,” and that is the type of village mentality that I think we have lost as a black community. I would suggest that we have lost an “all hands on deck” mentality when it comes to our people, and have it replaced it with an every person for themselves mentality.

What if we put greater emphasis on the “village” (its creation, maintenance, survival) than on marriage? I dont think the black community is declining becuase we’re no longer getting married, but rather becuase we have lost a village mentality. In my opinion, the “us” against the world mentality inherent in many marriages works against the black community. Take the imagined “single woman” crisis we are supposedly in. The solution isn’t finding them husbands, but rather supportive environments. With an emphasis on “villages” rather than marriages, single parents would have a community to turn to rather than a “savior” spouse. ”Those kids need a father” wouldn’t be an issue in a village where multiple male role models existed to offer support and guidance.

I think it’s entirely reasonable for concerned members of the black community to be worried about the direction the black community is going in, but I think we do ourselves a disservice when we look to traditional marriage as our pathway out of a decline in the black community.By returning to the village mentality we will begin the work of reforming our our community.

 

A RECURRING THEME OF MALE VIOLENCE!

Tonight BET aired it’s BET 30: Moments & Movements specializing thirty years of BET. I tuned into the show excited to see the segment on Oprah Winfrey, but I was struck by how male violence factored into so many of the segments BET chose to spotlight. Listed below are some of the moments BET spotlighted that revolved around male violence.

The trial of OJ Simpson was, at its core, a trial about male violence, how we ignore it, how we celebrate it, how it is reaffirmed and sustained.

None of the officers who brutally beat Rodney King were women.

Male violence and patriarchal masculinity claimed two of Hip Hop’s best. Tupac Shakur and Christpher Wallace lay dead, and patriarchal masculinity gets the last laugh. We’re still rooting for male violence, still cheering it on; Ain’t learned a thing from the death of Tupac and Biggie

Boyz In Da Hood, a film about the reality of male violence in black life.

I don’t think we fully recognize the extent to which male violence factors into our lives, or the harm and destruction that it inevitably brings. I believe that the black community and society as a whole are long over due for a national conversation on male violence. Individuals, parents, and communities can and should be leading the charge on addressing male violence and patriarchy in our lives.

EMOTIONS

I feel like emotions are a power granted to us to bring us closer to humanity, and yet so many people do not use the power for good. My emotions make me more loving, more caring, more tender, more affectionate; It seems others just use them for heightened rage and anger. ”I let my emotions get the best of me,” could be used to justify being more caring or loving, but usually indicates greater rage or anger. ”I wear my emotions on my sleeve,” so do I, but I choose to use said emotions in a more constructive way by being more loving and caring.

DE-CONSTRUCTING PATRIARCHAL LANGUAGE!

We hear and see it, but we rarely process the messages about gender it sends us. Casual conversation often cloaks the patriarchal gender roles in what many consider to be business as usual, but what if we could de-construct the patriarchal expressions we use on a day to day basis? How would that go? What would it look like? I’m going to attempt to do just that with this post.

In my opinion, to de-construct patriarchal expressions we must first identify the unnecessary patriarchal language inherent in the expressions that we use. In my examples I will write a patriarchal sentence, and then replace it with a de-constructed version of the same sentence which we could refer to as the “feminist revision.” I will then indicate in bold font the words that I deemed patriarchal and unnecessary.

Sounds fun right? Well let’s begin shall we.

1.Patriarchal Expression: “A real man provides for his family.”

Feminist Revision: “A man contributes to the vitality of his family.”

Unnecessary Words: “real” and “provides.”

The usage of the word “real” to describe men or women is arguably a divisive word used to portray some people as legitimate and others as illegitimate. People have a right to self identify as a man or a woman without others deeming their manhood or womanhood as illegitimate or less than. The idea that a man has to “provide” is rooted in patriarchal notions about the role that men and women play in relationships. There is no “I” in team and thus a man should work on the vitality of the family in conjunction with his partner, and not solely as a “provider” which indicates increased responsibility or superiority.

2. Patriarchal Expression: “If the only thing you offer to your man is pussy, then you aren’t worth anything.”

Feminist Revision: “Unless agreed upon, sex organs alone should not be the only thing you offer to your partner.”

Unnecessary Words: “pussy,” “worth.”

I would suggest there’s no need to put the burden of offering solely sexual organs exclusively on women as it should apply to both sexes, and furthermore there is no need to bring “worth” into the conversation as that borders on judging someone for their sexual behavior and choices. Also we must respect the right of people to arrange their relationships how they choose, and if sex organs alone are sufficient then we must respect that.

3. Patriarchal Expression: “You need to man-up.”

Feminist Revision: “Be responsible.”

Unnecessary Word: “man-up.”

While its possible that “man-up” is simply saying don’t act like a boy. There are many mature boys who shouldn’t be used as a way to get adult men to handle their responsibilities. Furthermore, no one ever says that women should “woman-up” indicating that it also has to do with men distancing themselves from women. A better way of conveying what you want would be suggesting that the person in question handle their responsibilities. This way you can avoid scapegoating young boys or denigrating womanhood. I would suggest there’s little need to tie being responsible to any particular gender.

De-constructing patriarchy isn’t an easy task to undertake, but with effort and consciousness of the messages conversation sends you it is possible. The ultimate goal of this lesson is to teach critical consciousness, and if anyone recognizes the patriarchal scripts they or others are acting out, then we have made progress.

Readings to help understand patriarchy and sexist conditioning:

We Real Cool: Black Men and Masculinity by bell hooks

The Will To Change: Men, Masculinity, Love by bell hooks

Confessions of a Recovering Misogynist by  Kevin Powell

Makes Me Wanna Holler: Nathan McCall

FAST CASH + BLACK MEN = JAIL!

We’ve seen the equation play out time and time and time and time and time again. When do we say stop?

Anecdote: There’s a group of men in my city who wash cars. The work ain’t glamorous, showy, or easy, but damnit it’s honest and I support it. A man who works university told the men who wash cars that they were “faggots” because “all they do is wash cars.” He seemed so insecure. Patriarchal masculinity is very good at humilating men who don’t perform work that it deems “manly” or “powerful” enough.

Remember how Dollar Bill used the fact that Blue “only spinned records” against him? Attacking his manhood? That’d have been patriarchy.

An honest living may not bring you the respect your male ego craves in a patriarchal society, but it’ll help keep you out of a criminal justice system all too eager to claim you. Jobs such as washing cars, land-scaping, or cutting hair offer black men honest alternatives to the “fast money” images often directed towards them.

FAMU STATE OF MIND!

And since I made it at FAMU, I can make it anywhere.

FAMU!!!!
Education jungle where dreams are made of,
There’s nothing you can’t do,
Now you’re at FAMU!!!
These hills will make you feel brand new,
The rattler will inspire you,
Let’s hear it for FAMU, FAMU, FAMU.

One hand in the air for FAMU,
Seven hills, big dreams all looking pretty,
No school in the world that can compare,
Put your lighters in the air, everybody say yeaaahh
Come on, come,
Yeah,

FAMU!!!!
Education jungle where dreams are made of,
There’s nothing you can’t do,
Now you’re at FAMU!!!
These hills will make you feel brand new,
The rattler will inspire you,
Let’s hear it for FAMU, FAMU, FAMU.

*Proud fall 2010 graduate of Florida A&M University.*

CAN PATRIARCHY PREVENT FOREST FIRES?

I’m going to go out on a limb and say no considering how poorly it responded to a young woman’s hair catching fire.

Patriarchy did what it does best, posture and pose.

THE PATRIARCHY MATRIX

“What is the Patriarchy? Control. The Patriarchy is a male-generated dream world built to keep us under control.”

Those familiar with the film The Matrix know that the film centers on a man who knows there is something strange about the world he lives in, but can’t quite place what it is. He lives in a computer simulated dream world known as The Matrix where humans are used as energy sources for a robot society that harnesses the energy to stay alive. Neo is awakened from the dream world by a series of fighters who want to free humanity from the grasp of the robotic enslavers.

What struck me about The Matrix is how it relates to patriarchy and its perverted sense of masculinity. In a lot of ways, The Matrix (the dream world) represents patriarchy. The patriarchal social order, much like the world created in the matrix, is one that was created to keep us in control, to make it appear that this world based on male domination and control of others is the “real world.” The reality of The Matrix is accepted by 99% of the humans, but the machine class cannot control certain anomalies born into The Matrix who reject the program. These individuals resist the “dream world.” In the matrix this person is known as “The One,” and becomes embodied in the character Neo. In patriarchal masculinity the anomaly is “the sissy” represents “the one.” The “sissy” in patriarchy represents a realization that no matter what patriarchal masculinity asserts, there is and always will be an alternative masculinity that threatens to take down the order created by patriarchal masculinity. The idea that a man is supposed to be one way, and one way alone is rejected and rebuked by the “sissy” who represents a manhood that is varied and diverse.

Like Neo in The Matrix, the “sissy” has a choice as to whether or not he can remain in the dream world, or live in the real world. The “sissy” has a similar choice in terms of whether he reinforces patriarchy and its perverted sense of masculinity, or if he embraces an alternative manhood one that exists outside of patriarchy, and acts to challenge and change the controlling order of patriarchy.

In The Matrix, Neo chooses to take the red pill as an act of resistance against the world of The Matrix created to enslave the human race. Many “sissies” have chosen to take the red pill as well, and have embraced their alternative masculinity rather than colluding in the patriarchal idea of a strict or rigid masculinity. These “sissies” like Neo, fight in the struggle to free humanity from patriarchal masculinity, but as you know in The Matrix, there are “agents” whose role it is to maintain the dream world, and to do so at any cost often with violence. In our world the “agents” who exist to keep patriarchy and its perverted sense of masculinity in place may be our parents, friends, church, school, etc. These “agents” exist to keep the patriarchal order in control. They fight to keep the male dominated society based on conquest, control, and perverted masculinity in control. They ridicule the “sissy” for his alternative manhood as a way to protect the social order intact, to protect the matrix.

Neo becomes an enemy of the matrix precisely because he is aware that it is a dream world, a fantasy world created to control the human race. The “sissy” becomes an enemy of patriarchy when he realizes patriarchal masculinity is the construct of a dream world, a fantasy world based on hyper masculinity, domination, conquest, and control.

I believe that individual “sissies” who resist patriarchal masculinity and embrace their alternative masculinity are the freedom fighters of The Matrix and are fighting to save us all from the controlling illusion known as patriarchy. Like Neo we each have a choice to make: we take the red pill by engaging in resistance struggle against the patriarchal system, or we can take the blue pill and remain oblivious to the patriarchal system.

Neo ends the film with a message to the matrix,

“I know you’re out there. I can feel you now. I know that you’re afraid… you’re afraid of us. You’re afraid of change. I don’t know the future. I didn’t come here to tell you how this is going to end. I came here to tell you how it’s going to begin. I’m going to hang up this phone, and then I’m going to show these people what you don’t want them to see. I’m going to show them a world without you. A world without rules and controls, without borders or boundaries. A world where anything is possible. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you.”

This is my message to patriarchy.