Monthly Archives: August 2010
Should we be satisfied with someone who is “accepting” of gays but draws the line at gay men or women who do not live or act according to the gender role society expects them to live?
Take this shining example:
“YO FUCK THAT IDK WHY BUT IMA SET AN EXAMPLE [I RESPECT HOMOSEXUAL BUT THIS ISHH RIGHT HER IS REDICULOUS] COMONE OVER DOING GAY JUST A LITTLE BIT BRUH! LIP STICK AND PURSES AND BOOTS AND HILLS IS FOR GIRLS MAN UGHH ITS FINE WITH BEING HOMOSEXUAL BUT SUM OF YALL YTAKE IT TOO FAR CUS [ U AINT NO FEMALE NIKKA REAL SHIT]” – James Basedgod Swaver
Do gay men find it satisfying that someone isn’t a homophobe but is definitely an effemiphobe?
I personally don’t want you to accept my sexual orientation if you can’t accept all gay men and the ways they express and manifest themselves. Policing someone’s gender is only a step away from policing someone’s sexual orientation. It’s a dangerous denial of personal autonomy that all forms of hatred are rooted in.
I think cases like this are a good way to gage the way society and gay men view themselves. Are we a fan of the man who is “cool” with the gays but won’t have gay men doing “girly” stuff? What does this tell us about our views on gender and gender expression and sexual orientation? What does this tell us about who gets to do what? When they can do it? And how they can do it? Should we control or care how another person expresses their gender? Should we care how another person expresses themselves period?
I’m not a fan of policing another persons sexual orientation or gender but that’s just me. Perhaps others aren’t so enlightened.
Note: If you can, could you please report the user to Facebook for his hate speech and cyber bullying? Thanks in advance.
One of the favorite lies of homophobes, is that they are just really concerned for children and don’t want them exposed to awful things like homosexuality. Homphobes love to promote the false idea that they’re hateful bigotry is really all about protecting children from being corrupted by people of minority sexual orientations. Once most people hear the word child they automatically jump on board.
But what I find really ludicrous about the whole “think of the children” line of thought is how homophobic it really is. It assumes, very ignorantly I might add, that all children are heterosexual and thus need to be protected from homosexuality or the knowledge of it. But what about the little gay boys and girls! Who is protecting them? Who is shielding them from heterosexism? Or are we just to assume that little gay boys don’t need protection from being inundated with the message that only heterosexuals are appropriate to be exposed to?
If straight children need to be protected from homosexuality surely the same is true for gay children, or are we saying that one child is more valuable than the other?
In their rush to protect children from being exposed to diverse sexual orientations, homophobes fail to realize that the very children they think they are protecting have diverse sexual orientations. The notion that all children are straight is not only ignorant but also very dangerous.
Homophobes (gay and straight) who have bought into the hatred based lie of protecting children from something they “aren’t ready for,” should realize that some of those kids are the very thing homophobes claim to be protecting them from.
Only bigots feel the need to protect their children from diversity.
Theist and in particular Christians like to promote the idea that in times of great crisis everyone even atheists seek out god. They believe that when the chips fall that we all resort back to god as our only refuge. This can be seen in the popularity of the expression “There are no atheist in fox holes.” Which is suppose to highlight the fact that in war there are no atheist I suppose. I honestly think this is load of crap. Today I talked to a friend who said that when he got into his wreck and he screamed “Oh my god.” He explained that his first thought was to think of god in his time of need. I too got in a wreck which most would consider a moment of crisis because I almost lost my life. But one of the things I remember about my wreck was the fact that as it was taking place I never once thought of or about a mythical being. I remember exclaiming “This sucks” but other than that I never prayed or chanted or anything else like that. I mean what else could I say other than “This sucks?” So I reject this notion that when we arrive at crisis’s in our life that we will go running and screaming back to mythical beings. Aren’t we perfectly capable of going through trying and scary times without referencing mythical beings?
What kind of person would assert that woman was created from the ribcage of man?
What kind of person would believe this?
The media is a powerful resource for the marginalized and the oppressed. For many in this world who feel alienated and isolated because they do not measure up to the status quo, the media can represent a way off the island for them. The media also can be problematic or rather people’s interpretation of media images can be stifling to them. So just how is the media both powerful and problematic particularly to gay men and women.
In small towns all over the world marginalized young men and women find in the media that they are not alone and that there are others like them in this world. The media has a calming way of making you feel like you’re not a freak born to simply be different than everyone else. I’ll never forget the feeling I felt when I first saw the character Marco on Degrassi or Karamo on The Real World. Seeing these men who looked and acted like me gave me a sense of comfort that I may not have otherwise felt without the media. In this sense the media is a powerful resource for the young and marginalized or misunderstood.
But to paraphrase something my new friend poppyh tweeted, “The dominant media can get to you before more holistic depictions can.” And this is something I have long felt but never quite articulated. I talk to a lot of gay men who associate being out of the closet or being proud of who they are with the rainbow and pride parades. They feel that living their lives authentically and openly means doing certain things. I try to point out to these men that releasing yourself from the shackles of mental slavery and self hate does not mean that you have to march in a pride parade or wear rainbow paraphernalia. Even some of the leaders in the gay rights community are guilty of promoting this fallacy. I don’t think there is a person more pro gay than I am and yet I do not own any rainbow paraphernalia. It’s not that I don’t respect the imagery and symbolism behind the rainbow but I find the Pride Flag to be too cluttered.
My gay pride rests on the acceptance of my sexual orientation and the refusal to live or act as if it there is something wrong with me being gay. I don’t have to wear anything and I don’t have to march in anything to be a proud gay man who lives my life authentically and open. The media however can show narrow images of the gay community that makes it appear that in order to accept yourself as a proud gay man you have to do certain things but this is untrue.
I thank the media for allowing the marginalized to see beyond their current loneliness but I do know that there are aspects of the media that are problematic particularly its narrow depiction of gay men and women who are living their lives authentically and open.
I am here to tell young gay men that being proud of whom you are and living your life authentically and openly isn’t about what you wear or what parades you attend. While it’s great to support the rainbow and march in parades that’s not what the movement is ultimately about. My goal is to free you from the shackles of mental slavery and self hate that so often keeps the LGBT community in hiding. Afford yourself the same dignity and privilege of sexual orientation as your heterosexual counterparts.
In the fictional world of the Boondocks created by University of Maryland graduate Aaron McGruder, the Uncle Ruckus character is the quintessential depiction of one who is consumed by self hatred, self loathing, and self denial. Uncle Ruckus is a self hating black man and disassociates himself from other African Americans as much as possible, and is an outspoken supporter of the white supremacist power structure.
Many people laugh at Uncle Ruckus and his ignorance, but while researching the Uncle Ruckus character it struck me just how much Uncle Ruckus embodies of the self hating gay man. While most people look towards Uncle Ruckus as an exaggerated extreme, I see in Uncle Ruckus so many of the qualities and traits that are taken on by self hating gay men. These are the gays who live and act as if there is something wrong with being gay despite being gay themselves.
These are the gay Uncle Ruckus’s. They take pride in distancing themselves from anything relating to the gay community or gay culture. They brag about not having any gay friends, not attending gay clubs, and their ability to pass in the eyes of straight society, is seen not as a condemnation of their own sexual orientation, but as a badge of honor. Their allegiance to heterosexism is one of the defining markers of their self hatred. Much like Uncle Ruckus, a black man supporting the white supremacist power structure, these self hating gays are supporters of the heterosupremacist power structure. They aren’t supportive of gay marriage or gay adoption. They often assert that being gay is a choice or the result of some traumatic childhood experience, thus denying legitimacy to their own sexual orientation and doing the work of the hetereosupremacist power structure to demean and belittle gays. They throw around terms like “the gay lifestyle” all in an effort to undermine their own sexuality. They are walking, talking embodiments of Uncle Ruckus. They list “Interested in: Women” on their social networking sites and even refer to their male romantic interests by female pronouns.
In the series The Boondocks, Uncle Ruckus has a hatred of black people and goes out of his way to free himself from his black identity. Many of the gay Uncle Ruckus’s follow a similar script if not an identical one. They cite the bible and its many archaic views on human sexuality as reason why they think their sexual orientation is sinful and believe that through prayer or other divine efforts they can become the straight person they so desperately believe will make them normal.
Like Uncle Ruckus who prides himself on his white ancestry many Gay Uncle Ruckus’s pride themselves on their so called “masculinity,” and their ability to pass in straight society. They use this factor to demonize and demean other gay men who they see as not measuring up to the straight quality they possess. These gay Uncle Ruckus’s are also unsympathetic to victims of homophobia. They believe that those who experience homophobia bring it upon themselves, and that violence against gays is only a natural result of gays stepping out of line. They think that non gender conforming activities like wearing traditionally female clothing for gay men or traditionally male clothing for women are what produce homophobia. They think that gay men and women who are bashed experience such violence because they probably hit on a straight guy or tricked him. They never recognize or that violence against anyone because of their sexual orientation is wrong. These gay Uncle Ruckus are out to blame the victim for stepping out of line. They strongly believe that without feminine men the gay community would not experience the hatred it does and believe that more masculine gay men are the key to ending anti-gay sentiments. The notion being that the more straight a gay man is the better for society.
Unfortunately there are many Uncle Ruckus’s in the gay community who worship and idolize straight society and culture. They see straightness and the straight ideal as the standard and do not want to be associated with anything related to the gay community. Not it’s pride parades, its fluidity of gender, or its fight for social and political equality. These gay men and women are the enemy within are all too willing to help keep us marginalized and oppressed.
Maybe it’s just a generational thing or maybe I just don’t care much for advice columnist but why is it a big deal that this woman is a racist? Or rather now she’s a known racist as opposed to a not known racist? Haven’t we learned to not put anything past anyone?
Great she called a black woman the N word a word blacks call each other all the time. I see site after site is all over the Dr. Laura story but I don’t recall these same sites dedicating a single post to Sherri Shepherd a much more prominent figure, falsely and dangerously asserting that the increase of HIV/AIDS among black women was due to gay men. Nope not a single post about that, and barely any push back from the black community as a whole. And that’s something that is truly devastating our community.
Or how about black blogs persistent and continued homophobia. I mean did anyone see Bossip’s celebratory post about the District courts hold on Judge Walker decision? It was homophobia through and through. “Not so fast gays” or something to that affect was the title. Complete with a childish image of one man bending another over. Because duh same sex equality is all about the gays having anal sex. I mean that post was actively praising a roadblock to equality. And the list goes on in terms of homophobia, sexism, misogyny, classism, ableism you name it, and that’s just in the black community. The black online community.
Even looking beyond homophobia in the black community and the continued misinformation, lies, and outright ignorance of the HIV/AIDS epidemic, the media barely ever talks about issues concerning the black community. Sure we get our special from Soledad (thanks), but actually getting down to what is harmful to the progress of the black community silence. You certainly won’t find many black blogs writing about the reading levels of black fourth graders, the drop out rates of black high school students, the incarceration rates of black men, or the continued sexist and misogynistic attack on black womanhood. I don’t know Dr. Laura being a racist just seems to pail in comparison to those things in my opinion.
I’m sorry but I cannot join this Dr. Laura circus. Its far too distracting for my tastes. I’ll be on the sideline focusing on what I consider more pressing issues like ending the stigma and confusion around HIV/AIDS (Sherri Shepherd) and fighting patriarchy which is the root of the racist, sexist, and homophobia tree and where our sites in my opinion should really be focused. We simply want to cut off branches, but why not just uproot the entire tree?
It’s amazing the way inspiration can creep up on you. Tonight while talking to a friend on ooVoo, the friend inquired about my user name and what it meant. I revealed that my user name “Sweat” was inspired by a short story of the same name by novelist Zora Neale Hurston. This person inquired about the story and I took to Google to find an online version of the story to share. What my Google search led me to was a book titled Sweat by Zora Neale Hurston and edited by Cheryl A. Wall who also provides an introduction. Most people know that Zora Neale Hurston is my favorite author of all time and I never pass up the chance to learn more about the prolific woman and writer who has inspired me in so many ways already. Reading the introduction by Cheryl A. Wall really provided me with some new insights about Zora Neale Hurston. Cheryl A. Wall writes, “Zora Neale Hurston was a writer who respected the complex language and lives of the people she wrote about.” In a time when most black writers were trying to distance themselves from black folk language Zora Neale Hurston took it and molded it into something beautiful and poetic. A testament to her skills as both writer and anthropologist. Zora Neale Hurston understood that the black folk language was poetic and instead of running from it she ran to it. Another aspect of the introduction that really touched me was the revelation that Zora Neale Hurston had done extensive fieldwork in Polk County, Florida. As someone raised in that neck of the woods I know that she found rich examples of black folk life in that citrus belt.
I never underestimate the ability of my thirst for hunger to take me to new,and exciting places, and to reveal greater insights into the world around me and the beautiful people who make up this world. One of the things that I hope all people realizes is that knowledge is at our fingertips and it is up to us to seek it out. We do not have to wait for a classroom or a teacher to pursue the acquisition of knowledge. It’s out there and sometimes it’s only a Google search away. Zora Neale Hurston found books in trash piles to quench her thirst for knowledge, we have Google at our fingertips and should utilize such a resource as much as possible.
This post comes via a young man who emailed me wanting to share his story as a black gay man with the world, but wishes to remain anonymous. His story is a powerful and heartfelt testimony from a young black gay man trying to make his way in the world.
The Role of the True Black homosexual Man! The struggles and the triumphs!
Being a black gay man in America is the most difficult challenge I have ever had to face! I can not begin to imagine the hardships that men before me had to deal with! Long ago I put my worries aside and focused on being myself! Just being happy! However I currently find myself in a state of being consumed with emotions and questions about being a homosexual male in America!
The double standards are insane! I find myself almost daily defending myself to people on what the bible says about homosexuality and how it is morally incorrect! Nine out of ten of those people have no clue what the bible says relating to homosexuality, their opinions are based solely upon their uncomfort and what they have been taught throughout life about the subject. I am a Christian and I would never say that the bible doesn’t speak against homosexuality! I will however say that the world is not a perfect place and is filled with imperfect people! The bible says whomever is without sin cast the first stone! The bible also speaks of God as being a host of love. So many people see sin and un-pureness when they think of homosexuality. No one seems to think of the love, companionship, and understanding people can find in homosexuality. Society often defines homosexuality as a choice. How could a sexual orientation be a choice? The choice is only in the companion, and who on earth would choose a companion that will only please the world and not ones self.
The world is full of sexual being who abuse sex, but is the abuse of sex morally correct for heterosexual individuals and only incorrect when persons of the same sex engage in it? The scariest part of homosexuality for me is the view that society will have on who I am! A strong minded, educated, stylish, responsible, God fearing black male… Is often reduced to a weak and feminine fag! I told some staff members at my job that I planned to be a father and they looked at me with surprise in there faces, as if i had just told them i had a vagina. It is as if all of the good qualities a person can contain are diminished when the persons sexuality is not what society sees as acceptable.
A homosexual male is considered to be less of a man within society. My mother told me that a man is defined by his character, how he handles his responsibilities, and his love for the Lord. The equation she gave me does not include sexual orientation. However
I often find myself hiding hurt feelings from immature males who find it hilarious to call me a faggot and throw things at me as I pass. Then there are women who believe that every gay man wants to be a woman, as if every gay man wants to put on a pair of pumps and be called by a female performers stage name. The ladies that do accept homosexuals openly fall into the trap of referring to their gay friends as their gay boyfriends and using him for fashion tips. His benefit to her life is often short changed because she often can’t see pass the stereotypes that surround his sexuality. The hardest pill to swallow is the disappointment on my mothers face as she learns I am in love with a man.
Not only does the fear of society dance in my dreams but the persecution of homosexuals themselves, often feels like daggers in my back! Men who believe they are better or more masculine because they are attracted to women STILL, or the fact that they are a ” ” TOPS! The men who take advantage of the fact that they appear as normal heterosexual males according to society. The bottoms who look to you as if you are less than dirt. Judging you only on what you are dressed in or how pretty you are. When you turn your back they will have their fingers rubbing the top of your mans head, convincing him that he’d be a better selection for him. I
often find myself angry to see how gay men respond to one another in reference to being a bottom. Making jokes about the sexual position, and pretending as if a majority of the community haven’t experimented in the position. Making it seem as if the weaker vessel should be a shameful role and not one that is praised for his strength. Our own homosexual community breaks one another down to just sexual positions. Looking completely pass that we are all people with minds, bodies, and souls, and forgetting that we all fight a battle again society daily.
The stereotypes that come along with being a black gay man are hurtful! They can make life difficult and slow down a mans pursuit of happiness and success! However, being a homosexual male has allowed an otherwise shy and meek young man, to be confident in who I am! The harsh stares and hateful words that are thrown at me have become the stepping stone for my empowerment! I have learned to love myself for my individuality! I have grown closer to God in my struggle! The misfortune I’ve had to face from society has allowed me to seek GOd and his love! Knowing that I was created in his image just like every other person walking this earth is relieving!
I hope this post inspires you to as it did me!
One of my close friends invited me to church a week or so ago and I complied. While I don’t believe in the supernatural I can appreciate a positive message no matter what method is used to deliver it.
Well I arrived to church with an open mind and heart and prepared to listen to some encouraging words as referenced from Jesus Christ who had a lot of them.
I was pleased to see so many gay men and women in the church from the choir stand to the pews.
What I got in return was homophobia and a church all too willing to cosign those views.
The pastor who was invited to speak from Miami didn’t wait 10 minutes before launching into a tirade against gays. He claimed “In the old days gays used to sit in the church and be quiet now they want to take over.” He then made a call for a return to order? Of course the church clapped and amen’d away.
He then launched into a story about his gay brother who died of AIDS. I guess to highlight the point that gays are disease ridden? That heterosexuals can’t acquire and die from HIV/AIDS? The church members once again clapped and amen’d.
I am a gay man who takes my self respect and self worth very seriously and I will not sit as it is assaulted by fake men of god. So I stood up and walked out. The ushers tried to block me and I told that woman if you know what’s good for you you will move. I was prepared to shove her through the doors.
When it comes to homophobia in your church I can care less about your protocol.
What’s sad about the entire situation is that people have come to think of this type of hatred in church as normal, as just something that comes with the territory of going to church.
If the church is supposed to be a sanctuary I certainly did not find that to be true today.
If church is supposed to give you an encouraging word I guess that only applies for heterosexuals.
But yeah that was my day.
In a way I feel bad for even thinking that this Sunday would be different and this church would be different. But I can’t blame myself for wanting to support a friend.