SHOULD DEVELOPMENTALLY DISABLED MEN GET A PASS?
History hasn’t always been kind to people who are developmentally disabled (I use this term only after looking for the most appropriate one possible as I by no means want to offend anyone.). They have experienced unspeakable injustice and I am the first person to educate others about their own disableism. Given the treatment of the developmentally disabled in our society I often give them a pass when it comes to understanding some of their behaviors as they aren’t aware of all the social rules and cues as that the rest of society might be operating under.
Today while waiting for my 4:45 class to start I took a seat at a computer in the on campus library. Sitting next to me was a developmentally disabled young man. This was my second time encountering this young man as I had seen him on another occasion, and the only reason why I am writing about this young man now, is because of the way he related to the young women who came in the library.
The way this young man got a young woman’s attention was by snapping at her. If he succeeded in getting the young woman’s attention he then told her what year he was (he said freshmen) and began to question what year she was.
He asked the young women could he have their number. His exact word were, “Yo baby can I get yo digits.” He told each of the women that he wanted to go on a date with them and that he was single.
I wanted to tap him on the shoulder and let him know that a young man should not solicit a woman’s attention by snapping at her and that he should speak to her without calling her “baby” or “sexy,” but I didn’t.
I consider myself well versed on a lot of issues and I try to keep myself abreast of the latest information in terms of relating to all humans and showing them dignity and respect, but I was stumped with this young man. It’s obvious to me that he has picked up on how to relate to women from the men in his life or the images he sees of men relating to women on television. His snapping and demeaning language was learned somewhere.
I guess the question I was left wondering was if it’s important to teach the developmentally disabled to be respectful of others. Should this young man know that its inappropriate to speak to women in certain ways? That women are not sexual objects?
I plan on doing some research tonight so I can help myself answer these questions.
Update: I asked the young man his name and took the time to tell the young man that it wasn’t cool to snap at a young woman. He also asked me how to spell “mp3 player” and I helped him spell the word and helped him type in the rest of the word.
Posted on June 29, 2010, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.
I think No. Disabled people can still be taught, and so can still be taught (and can grasp) the basic difference between right and wrong, I believe.
What’s sad is he probly has more game than non disabled people.
Interesting topic. It’s odd that I’ve never really thought about it.
I think the such people are given a “pass” because many believe they are capable of far less than what they truly are. People think that just because someone has Down Syndrome, or whatever the disorder may be, they can’t do the same things as others or understand the same concepts. But oftentimes with a little extra time and patience they can be taught the exact same things as a so-called “normal” person can. All they need is that one person to care instead of brushing off their rude behavior and blaming it on their mental state.
In my eyes, the ignorance people have towards the mentally retarded is the reason for their downfall and events like the one you wrote about. If you see him again, pull him aside and have a little chat. He may get mad, but try anyway. While you’re at it – learn his name and some other details. Be the positive man role model he needs in his life. Don’t just watch it, go home, and blog.
Shaan
P.S. – “Disabled” is a derogative term to many.
“History hasn’t always been kind to people who are developmentally disabled (I use this term only after looking for the most appropriate one possible as I by no means want to offend anyone.)”
Yeah… Um, please don’t identify individuals by their diagnosis or label if you will. You wouldn’t say that women at the Chemolab who was cancer. She has cancer. Perhaps the gentleman you refer to had a developmental disability, but he was not one.
Your question is biased. Nobody gets a pass. Crass is crass. Now in your own personal development you will find the answer as to how to deal with such a situation. Understanding when someone needs behavioral support and has a cognitive deficiency is a great start. How to do it is challenging to say the least. A basic starting point would be not to reinforce the negative behavior, prompt a replacement- positive behavior- and then reinforce that instead. Now in reality individuals with developmentally disabilities face the ultimate challenge when it comes to forming romantic relationships. It’s the big lie- gasp, no normal label woman would ever, and I have to protect the innocent women with a developmental disability from him- so he will be alone forever without love because if his label and our fear. No doubt his family has failed him in this area too. I say hats off to the young man for trying in the face of adversity. The young lad got you to interact with him at the computer there, spelling words and what not. Can’t blame a guy for trying. Like the construction worker whistling at the passerby, or the business man who honks his horn for the short skirt blowing in the wind. Men, we are all developmentally disabled when it comes to the better sex. My wife took a chance and whipped me into shape.
People First helps people with relationship skills. Find a chapter near you if you really want to help.