MY THOUGHTS ON RELATIONSHIPS – GAY & STRAIGHT!
This is an absolute deal breaker for me. I simply do not believe that anyone should remain in a relationship with someone who beats on them. If we have come to the point in the relationship where violence physical or emotional has become one of the recurring themes of that relationship, it is time for us to part ways. Fighting in a relationship is not cute, it’s not romantic, and it’s not proof that your love for each other is intense. Fighting and abuse in a relationship is a sign that two individuals are lying to themselves. Love does not have to be violence, it simply doesn’t need to be.
Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend and your Friends
I hear a lot of people talk about how they won’t bring their boyfriend or girlfriend around certain friends. This is one of the most dismaying things that I hear, because that statement, in and of itself, should be a sign to the person uttering it, that they do not trust the person they are with. If you cannot bring your boyfriend or girlfriend around your friends and vice versa, that is a clear indication that you you are in need of a new boyfriend/girlfriend, and some new friends. Yeah I know people argue, that you wouldn’t bring a thief around your valuables, but we aren’t talking about thieves, we are talking about thieves and inanimate objects! We are talking about two consenting adults who should have self control for themselves and respect for you. If you can’t trust your boyfriend or girlfriend to be faithful to you why are you with them? If you can’t even bring your girlfriend or boyfriend around your friends without feeling like something is going to happen, thats a clear indication that you are in desperate need of some new friends or a new boyfriend or girlfriend. I mean seriously what are you saying about the caliber of friends you keep and the caliber of men and women you date if you feel like neither can be trusted around the other?
I hear a lot of women in particular saying that “a man is just going to be a man” and it always disappoints me to hear women openly expressing such low expectations of the men they are attracted to and date. We have all been lied to by patriarchy to believe that men have insatiable sexual appetites, that there is absolutely no way that men can resist cheating or having sex. Aside from the falsity of this notion it’s always largely responsible for the culture of rape we all live in. I encourage men and women to have high expectations for the people you date. Lowering your expectations for the person you are with is a recipe for a disaster. Assuming that the person you are with is likely to cheat, be abusive, lie, or steal is not a healthy environment for any relationship. There are plenty of men who do not describe to the asinine notion that as a man they are just going to be like all the other losers out there and women don’t settle for men who do. We all have self control and self discipline. We all have the ability to make choices. Don’t accept any less from your boyfriend or girlfriend.
And in closing I would encourage everyone, whether gay or straight, to approach their relationship with an egalitarian mind frame. To do this you are going to have to let go of your reliance on stereotypical gender roles and norms but I assure you it’s going to be well worth it. There does not have to be a dominant person and a submissive person. There does not have to be a leader and a follower. There does not have to be a provider and a receiver. Shared responsibility is the name of the game. No one walking ahead of the other, no one walking on the other, and no one walking behind the other. But being comrades walking next to each other on this journey we call life.