THE DANGER OF TEACHING MEN THAT MANHOOD IS AN ACT!

We have been lying to black men.
We have been complicit in the destruction of black men.
We have been setting black men up for failure.

It’s time that we take responsibility as a collective for the psychological assault on black men that we all are guilty of fueling.

From the time we come into the world till the time we leave we tell ourselves and other black men (our sons, cousins, nephews, and friends) that to be a man is to act a certain way.

“You aren’t a man if you act like ________.”

“You aren’t a man if you act like ________.”

“You aren’t a man if you act like ________.”

But we don’t realize that when we tell ourselves and other black that man is an act, that’s being a man means to be a constant performer, always putting on a performance for yourself and others, that we are essentially telling Black men that to be a man means to show.

Perhaps it would be one thing if we didn’t also associate all of the acts with the very things that are detrimental to all human beings. The denial of the emotional self.

Boys who do are emotional, vulnerable, compassionate, loving, soft, sweet, kind, free spirited, and feminine are told that they are not “acting” like men.

That to be a man means to be tough, hard, hyper masculine, cold, distant, dominating, strong, unemotional, unavailable, and unloving.

Is it any wonder that there are no “good” black men for black women or anyone else? Who wants to be around a person who only knows how to be tough, hard, hyper masculine, cold, and dominating? That persons brings a miserable existence to themselves and others.

Is it any wonder that the leading cause of death for black men is other black men? When the patriarchal world we tell them will be their oyster does not come to fruition they rely on the only emotion they were told was acceptable for them as black men and that is Rage. So often leading to crimes harming other black men, black women, and children.

We raise our hands in the air wondering where did these unemotional, distant, destructive black men come from? We often ask why women are more mature than men? It’s simple.

We don’t allow men and especially black men to be emotional creatures. Something that is central to the whole of any person.

We must all take responsibility for the destruction of the black man and realize that our constant lying to black men telling them that to be strong is to be cold and distant and hard is a lie.

If you want to help save black men, save the black community I encourage you to take a stand now and put an end to the assault on young black men.

Manhood is not an act it is a state of being and no one has to perform, show, or prove anything to anyone to be a man.

A Rock, A River, A Tree!

As I think about how many things influence me in my life, I always think about how instrumental the work of poet and scholar Dr. Maya Angelou has helped shape my point of view. Her autobiography I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings should be required reading for every student and her poetry is some of the great works of the American canon. I was watching her Inaugural poem “On The Pulse of Morning” on Youtube the other day and I just really felt the need to share it with the world.

I present:

Truly personifying what it means to speak truth to power!

Thank you Dr. Angelou

SERVING IN THE MILITARY IS A HETEROSEXUAL PRIVILEGE!

With the recent news of Jene Newsome the nine-year military record weapons specialist who was discharged after police officers notified the military’s Office of Special Investigations that she had married her wife in Iowa, I think the gay community needs to realize that military service is a heterosexual privilege.

Serving in the military is a heterosexual privilege. Only they are allowed to serve and potentially die for their country.

Also: What’s interesting about Newsome is that she had honored and obeyed the military’s Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy. She was not out in the military and had not openly displayed her sexual orientation. However when police came to her home and saw that she had married her wife in Iowa and she had refused to help them in their search they retaliated against her.

There’s this notion in the gay community that our silence will protect us. That if only we keep quiet and don’t make a fuss about our sexual orientation everything will be fine. Everyone talks about how much you can lose by being openly gay and yet this woman who lived by the notion that my sexual orientation should be kept quiet and who respected the military’s Don’t Ask Don’t Tell still lost everything she has worked for.

The important message to take away from this horrible situation isn’t that Jene Newsome should have been better at hiding her sexual orientation, it’s that it’s absurd that she has to in the first place. I can only hope that many gays realize that in or out of the closet, playing or not playing by the rules, we are being discriminated against and it’s something that we should actively fight against.

HOW CAN YOU BE PROUD OF BEING GAY?

A lot of gay men state that the reason they can’t be proud to be gay is because so many gay men and women make the gay community look bad. It’s interesting that this does not apply to the other communities they belong to.

Such as Black Pride:

Despite things like this

I am still proud to be Black.

My pride in my race is independent of whether or not other Black people make me look good or bad.

GAY MEN: SHAME IN THE BLACK AND GAY COMMUNITY

I hear a lot of reasons for why closeted gay men don’t want people to know that they are gay. Reasons range from “I can’t let my family down” to “I may lose some Facebook friends.”

One of the more interesting reasons for closeted gay men not wanting people to know they are gay, is as they say, because they don’t want to be associated with so called feminine gay men, drag queens, and in their eyes other less than desirable aspects of the gay community.

Now let me explain why this is interesting.

If your reason for being ashamed of your sexual orientation hinges on the fact that “some” people might make you look bad and you might be compared to those people then what does that say about how you view something like your race?

Take the Black Community for example. I am a member of the Black Community a community that has many positive and negative attributes about it. I don’t appreciate Black men who father children and don’t take care of them, I don’t care for Black men who sell drugs, I don’t care for Black women who choose men over their children, but I somehow manage to not let these cases make me ashamed to be black. I am still a proud black man even though some Black men don’t take care of their children and some Black men sell drugs.

You see my pride in my race and my community is not tied to whether or not I can be associated with bad aspects of the community I belong to.

Feminine gay men make up the black community. Rupaul is apart of the black community. Every black so called feminine gay man is apart of the black community.

AND YET!

AND YET!

I don’t see these closeted gay men who cite feminine gay men and drag queens as reasons for not wanting to be seen as gay talking about how ashamed they are to be Black. How ashamed they are to be members of the black community.

The same feminine gay men that make you ashamed to be apart of the gay community also exist in the black community so shouldn’t that mean that closeted gay men should also be ashamed of the Black community?

Feminine gay men are still apart of the black community!

Which leads me to believe that this particular reason cited as a justification for being ashamed of being gay isn’t a very strong one. Otherwise there would be a lot more Black gay men ashamed to be apart of the Black community as well.

But honestly your pride in your sexual orientation, your race, your gender, etc should not be dependent upon whether or not certain members of the respective communities make you look bad or good.

DISTINGUISHING BETWEEN PREFERENCE AND DISCRIMINATION!

Discussing femininity and masculinity as it pertains to the gay community is nothing new. There have always been debates over whether one is better than the other and there are likely to be many more debates in the years to come.

I am under the belief that there is nothing wrong with being feminine and there is nothing wrong with being masculine, but many men do not share my sentiments. A growing number of gay men seeking to distance themselves from the gay community, which they perceive to be solely dominated by feminine gay men, are vying to create the perception that feminine gay men are somehow antithetical to homosexuality and somehow not living up to what it means to be a gay man.

Now I want to make it clear that I am all for people having preferences. I have nothing against one preferring whatever it is that they prefer. I do however have a problem with discrimination though and I will continue to fight against it in society and especially within the gay community.

Preference: Is the set of assumptions relating to a real or imagined “choice” between alternatives and the possibility of rank ordering of these alternatives, based on the degree of happiness, satisfaction, gratification, enjoyment, or utility they provide.

If masculine men make you happier, if they bring you more satisfaction, if they gratify you more then there is nothing wrong with that. By all means do you until the cows come home.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN FEMININITY IS ACCEPTABLE IN MEN?

Some people seem to think that femininity in men sprung forth from the head of Zeus in the year 2000. That before this period every man on the planet was hyper masculine and all was well.

Now many of us who don’t have a vested interest in maligning so called feminine men and acting as if masculinity is something that makes a mortal a god know that the 80′s in particular were a period when femininity in men was not only acceptable it was attractive.

Let’s take a trip shall we?

Now Rick James is what some people would refer to as an “ultra straight” man. He was known for having sex with 6 or 7 women a day. But get into his wardrobe in the video.

Cat suit? Knee high leather boots? Glitter? Weave? Deep V-neck?

ALL THINGS THAT ARE SO CALLED FEMININE THESE DAYS!

Or this video:

Crop top denim jackets? Leather hats? Rhinestone gloves? Leather boots? Leather chokers with rhinestones? Fringe?

Or this video:

I mean what has happened with men lately? Wearing clothes just like men did 20 years ago? I mean I am so tired of seeing Black men in skinny jeans and leggings and leather boots. It’s all just too feminine for me and Black men cannot be feminine at all.

I don’t know how any man hopes to be taken seriously if he is feminine. Rick James, Whodini, Cameo all men and all taken seriously but who cares about that?

DO YOU AGREE WITH THE HETEROSEXUAL LIFESTYLE?

I mean like the beating on women?
Running trains on girls?
Welfare moms?
Kids out of wedlock?
Absent fathers?
Poking holes in condoms to trap men or women?
Crack babies?
Women faking pregnancies?
High divorce rates?
Sleeping with married men?
Sleeping with married women?

Do you agree with that?

Oh that’s right heterosexuality isn’t a lifestyle choice and merely taking negative aspects about a community and using it as proof positive of a deviant “lifestyle” makes completely no sense.

Hmm I wonder why so many homophobes (gay and straight) love to declare homosexuality as a lifestyle choice?

WHAT DOES THIS VIDEO TELL US ABOUT HETEROSEXUALITY?

When homosexuals do anything our actions unfairly become reflective of our entire community. If a couple of gay guys have an orgy it’s proof that all gay men and women are destructive and deviant. Heterosexuals aren’t held to this same standard. Is this video an indictment on heterosexuality? Does it show how perverse and gross heterosexuality is? Does it show how sex obsessed and crazed heterosexuality is? Does it show how belittling and demeaning male heterosexuals are to female heterosexuals? Does it show that heterosexuals are fans of group sex, orgies, gang bangs, and trains? I ask this because so often any videos featuring gay men become indictments on homosexuality as  whole. A video featuring some gay men having an orgy is proof positive that gay men are nasty and disgusting and our entire community is shallow and sex crazed. Heterosexuals aren’t held to that unfair standard though. So tell me, what do you gather from the video and what it says about the heterosexual community to you?

IF SEXUAL ORIENTATION IS “PERSONAL BUSINESS”

The presumably heterosexual males at my barbershop have obviously not gotten the memo.

While waiting outside for my cousin to return with my car I was subjected to all the sordid details of the destructive heterosexual community.

The conversation went as follows:

Heterosexual Male 1: Yo man I went by that bitch (affectionate term for woman) house last night and she act like she wasn’t there but they live in a trailer and I could hear the footsteps.

Heterosexual Male 2: Word man yeah that hoe (affectionate term for woman) be bout them games.

Heterosexual Male 1: Man I done fucked all her friends but she be on them games.

Heterosexual Male 2: Man you fucked her and all her friends? That’s wassup.

Heterosexual Male 1: Yeah man I fucked her and her home girls she got some good coota (vagina)

Heterosexual Male 2: Yeah man she do got some good coota (vagina)

Heterosexual Male 2: Man a lot of these bitches be having that good coota (vagina) but they just not nasty enough man.

Heterosexual Male 1: Yeah she got that good coota but she ain’t nasty. I was fucking one hoe and she only wanted to do missionary so I turned her over and fucked her doggy while holding her face down.  I slapped that hoe with my dick too to let her know who’s boss. She was moaning and I said “shutup bitch (affectionate term for woman) and take this dick.

Heterosexual Male 2: Yeah man these bitches (affection term for woman) need to be nastier. Man did you say you held her head down? That’s hilarious.

Heterosexual Male 2: Man one girl she got some good coota (vagina) but she only sucked my dick once man said she ain’t into that kind of stuff.

Heterosexual Male 1: Man just once? That’s crazy.

*they walk back inside Barbershop*

Now if sexual orientation is something “private” those heterosexual men surely have not got the memo. But I suppose they are justified in speaking of their sexual exploits and reflecting poorly on the straight community because well they are straight. If those were two gay men they would be accused of being sexual deviants, attacked for discussing their “private business” and used as prime examples of how destructive and vulgar the homosexual community is.

It’s really frustrating that so many gay men have internalized the notion that their sexual orientation and their sexual activities are off limits for public discussion and when it is discussed it’s proof positive of how destructive our community is. Seemingly not realizing that the same asinine standard does not exist for the heterosexual community and heterosexual men in particular.

Don’t you just love double standards?